What is the appropriate question to ask someone who has experienced trauma?

The question "What happened to you?" is appropriate to ask someone who has experienced trauma because it invites the individual to share their story in their own words without placing blame or judgment. This open-ended inquiry allows the person to express their experience at their own pace, which can be crucial for someone who has been through a traumatic event. It focuses on their personal narrative, acknowledging their lived experience and providing a safe space for them to discuss what they wish to share.

Additionally, it's important that the phrasing does not imply any responsibility on the part of the individual, maintaining a supportive and empathetic approach. This can help build trust and rapport, fostering a sense of safety necessary for discussing trauma-related topics.

The other options, while they may seem relevant in different contexts, can inadvertently put pressure on the person to justify their actions or delve into feelings that they may not be ready to explore. For example, asking "What could you have done differently?" may induce feelings of guilt or shame. "How did it make you feel?" can be too direct and may require the person to articulate emotions they might not have processed yet. Similarly, questioning "Why did this happen?" can lead to blame or speculation, which is not conducive to a healing dialogue.